Have you ever lost something? Or I will say it this way- have you ever been looking for something you can’t find, to no avail? I know, we all have.
How do you deal with it? Boy does it BUG me! It seems to be happening to me a lot right now. Being who I am, I am looking for the meaning in it, the lesson I can learn.
So lately I have lost 2 pair of my favorite jeans- they are just GONE! Various books and a beloved necklace have also vanished in the past year or so, and little things I now can not think of. What I am left with is the feeling of searching and searching- frantically for these lost items. Retracing my steps, super sleuthing to remember something that might reunite me with my stuff.
Yesterday I left my earrings- the ones that I haven’t taken off in a ridiculous number of years, at the doctors office. So they are not lost, which is good. This morning I went to my jewelry box and found a pair of earrings I have never worn, still on the velvet holder. I put them on and they looked pretty good- I actually look completely different because I never wear other earrings. So I had fun asking my son what he noticed that was different about me!
I get to work and my office mate tells me one of my earrings is missing! Oh boy already?! I immediately went into search mode of the office- to no avail!
And then I stopped. So what’s the deal here?, I ask myself.
So here’s what I have learned from “losing” things:
-I look good in other earrings.
-If I got back the time I have spent searching for things, I could have finished writing my book.
-I have too much stuff, so it’s hard to find things, or even to look for them.
-Losing things is good sometimes as my closets are very clean and organized now.
-There is grieving involved in losing things. So acknowledging that is important, and don’t let anyone tell you to just get over it.
And most of all, one of my favorite positive psychology principles has come to the forefront. Resilience.
I realize that this searching is just a distraction for getting other things done, and that is can actually take up so much mind space that it becomes an obstacle to get through.
So how am I using resilience to help myself in this situation? It’s all about bouncing back. Looking, searching, being bummed out- not positive emotions. Not the best state for living an optimal life. Resilience is all about bouncing back. And it has a lot to do with the questions I ask myself:
-Have I done what I can for now?
-What can I do later that might be productive in this situation? (write it down)
-Ask myself to take a few deep breaths, and ask myself, what is really on my agenda at this time, and what will it mean if I continue to be distracted.
-What do I need to tell myself in order to move on and release myself from the distraction?
So many times if we just get proactive with questions, we can bring ourselves a sense of peace and clarity to continue forward with our day. With resilience being what I like to call a muscle, it can take time to build it up. Be gentle with yourself as you build it. Maybe this time it takes a day to bounce back- maybe the next time only a few hours, and so on.
As with anything disturbing to our minds, this is a great instance to just practice resilience. How fast can I figure out a good plan, make peace and continue with my day?
It’s still bugging me that only one ear has an earring in it right now, but in a bit, during a break, I will retrace my steps and see if I find it. Otherwise, I have already resolved to just let it go.
Because here is the icing on the cake learning for me- it’s just another example of trying to control something I can not control. If things are gone, they are gone. If they are still on my path, I will find them. This goes so much further than just material things, too.
These are the kind of thoughts that bring me peace.