This year has been full of expectations for me- this past week I really got a handle of how having expectations has helped me and hurt me. Both are normal, but with acceptance, and many times holding any expectations loosely- I can be a lot happier and satisfied!
It can be little things– I went to my favorite bookstore in Manchester, VT- I started to walk to the door and saw that the whole entrance had kind of caved in and was under construction. Not what I expected. I followed the signs to the FRONT entrance where there was a beautiful little porch and I got to appreciate it, something I also did not expect. On the way out I found another exit- a short cut to my car in the parking lot.
This is just a little example, but we run into them all day long. A situation I notice can be a great place to learn neutrality and letting go of expectations is when you are visiting a place you have been before and loved it. Hotel, restaurant, a particular airline. You had such a good experience, you expect to relive all of those things that you loved (and more!) and then get disappointed. The bed isn’t as soft, the food not as flavorful or the service not as delightful. The plane was older and the snacks didn’t arrive. For example.
What if you start to think about going to a place you loved to have a new experience. Is it possible not to judge and compare against the last time? It is, if you are willing to do the work. Not getting what you expected is a perfect place to growth. Find what IS good about the situation. What about it CAN you be grateful for?
I love when unexpectedly good things happen, too, don’t you? This of something in this category that happened for you recently. I was over 3 hours away from an appointment that I wanted to change, but was concerned to do so, as we know how it can be to try to reschedule appointments. In fact I made this one in January for September and then they moved it to August. I was away at my retreat when the text came to confirm- it didn’t even look like a text number, but a land line number, so I wasn’t sure it would work, but I texted back. Would it be possible to change the date? Expectations were more than exceeded- they texted me right back and had a time for the following week. My mattress delivery was expected last Thursday afternoon and at 9:30 I got a call- “we are going right by, do you want a delivery now?” I then had my afternoon open up.
Be on the lookout for unexpected goodness. Be on the lookout for when you expected something, it didn’t go the way you had expected and you commence creating a state of suffering for yourself. What could you think instead? What is good? Or okay? What mindset would you take on in order to create circumstances that you are okay with? Or how can you learn from this dashed expectation? What is important about it? How did you contribute to your disappointment?
There is a saying in 12 step programs- “expectations are premeditated resentments.” Start checking yours often and you might be happier and more peaceful!
Take some time to see how you are doing in the area of expectations. Answer the questions in writing and practice this week. Go somewhere you have loved in the past and see how it goes!