I have a big birthday coming up this week, it’s the start of a new month and season, in a few weeks my yoga teacher training will be complete after 9 months, my daughter (oldest child) will graduate from high school in June, I just finished cleaning the upstairs at home of clutter and threw a lot of stuff out. Whew! This list started to look like a lot of endings to me- some welcomed wholeheartedly, some I was not so sure about. Then I put on my coaching glasses, asked myself a few questions and looked at this from another direction.
First of all, because it’s my birthday month, Celebration! became my natural theme. So when I started applying me theme to each of these events, a few things occurred in my brain. I easily saw that each one of these events- “endings”- is also a new beginning. I couldn’t deny the goodness of this thought, because I am the self professed lover of the fresh start. I decided to look at what I am learning in the endings of each of these things that are happening all at once in my life. It gave me a new perspective. I have learned many new things on purpose and not.
In my years so far on Earth I have learned everything I know, of course, in yoga teacher training I have not only learned much more than I ever anticipated about yoga and philosophy, but about myself and I have met new wonderful people who are incredibly important to me and will be a big part of the next years of my life.
My biggest learning has been in raising a daughter to this point in life- especially the teen years. She has been the best and most difficult personal growth training I have ever had. Raising her has hit on every internal button I have and has allowed me, however painfully, to look at my stuff- most dating back from my childhood. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and learned from most of them, still some I continue to goof up.
I’ve done lots of crying and worrying and some tantrums have occurred- by me. Digging your heels in and sticking to your ideals with a teenager in this day and age is extremely hard work- and if the teen is a girl, especially difficult for mom. My daughter used to do everything with me- as she has separated from me to spread her own wings, find her own identity, and be her own person it has been excruciatingly painful for me at times. There has never been a minute of my life where I imagined there would be a person who would tell me that they hated me. She has- many times. Dealing with my perfect view for her, not wanting our relationship to change, wanting to impart my vast knowledge and to be sure I have taught her absolutely everything she needs to know and to make sure she “gets” it have been hard for her, and because of that, for me. I just want to do the best job I can do as her Mom. The ending of school for her means a new beginning for our family as she goes off to college. I want to squeeze every last good minute out of the time she is still at home. I realize this puts a lot of pressure on how things go, so instead celebrating all the good is what I am going to do. My minimum standard to keep her safe as long as I can, and for as much as I actually have control over and supporting her in what makes her happy are going to have to do.
Control the things I can, and let go of the rest. The hard part for me is letting go of some of the things I CAN control. So the growth continues, though this phase of my life is coming to an end as I know it.
And my house. I noticed as nice and organized as the upstairs is now, when I walked downstairs to write this blog post, there is a lot of mess here because of what I brought here from upstairs! Another new beginning to the ending of the upstairs cleaning.
Every one of these events is a cause for celebration. As long as I remember to stay in gratitude for all the good in each. Yes, I will miss yoga teacher training, but my friendships will continue and now I will take on teaching in a whole new way, with more different experiences coming my way that stretch me and allow me to contribute in new ways as I intertwine yoga with my coaching and speaking business. My daughter will graduate, and I have gratitude for so much, not just what she has taught me, but for all of the great times we have had, all of the times she still makes me laugh, and watching her flourish out in the world will be cause for much celebration. I look forward to creating a whole new relationship with her as she moves forward in life and I get my stuff out of the way.
In the last few weeks I also lost a good friend to cancer. An unexpected ending. Sarah was an special and important person in my life and it made me sad to lose her, and sad for all of her family and friends. Celebrating is one of the last things that comes to mind, but as I contemplate all the good that Sarah brought to my life in the short time I knew her, and to so many others lives, I know there is much to celebrate. And Sarah was the first person to make sure things got celebrated. Always. Sarah had just turned 50 right before she passed. In celebrating her, I know I have the opportunity to carry on in her spirit. So this ending, Sarah here physically with us, avails an opportunity for a new beginning for me in honoring her memory.
And as for my big birthday- I am looking forward to take all of my knowledge and life experiences and being totally open and trusting to what comes next, believing all of these endings just make room for so many awesome beginnings. Hallelujah! Let’s celebrate!
And I do plan on doing that all month long!
What is ending in your life right now? What new beginnings will occur because of the endings?
What good has come out of those things which are ending? What have you learned that you will take forward in your life?
If you are someone you know would like to take something their life to the next level- business, personal or both- drop me a line and we will talk about the possibilities! Kimberly@youryearoftransformation.com