As I began to write about resolutions, I asked myself, why is it even important to me to write this post? Whenever we feel strongly about something, it is a good thing to stop and ask why. Why is it important?
Resolutions are important to me on two levels. The first is personally. I was taught a long time ago to set goals, intentions and resolutions. Beyond a doubt, I know what I have created in my life is due to many many years of doing so.
If you love setting resolutions and goals, keep reading. If you don’t, keep reading.
I see a lot of social media posts telling people not to set resolutions, to let themselves just be okay as they are. I believe in learning to love and accept yourself as you are. No question. However, there is always more to discover about yourself. There is always more in this life, in this world to experience. My resolution stance is not about fixing you- you are not broken. It is about what more you might like to discover, recover, feel, do, learn about yourself and yourself in the world. Being anti-resolution is an attention grabber and lets us off the hook for becoming all that we can be.
We can be happy, content AND growing all at the same time.
We grow up with expectations set on us by others and by ourselves. Reaching higher, unleveling, thinking bigger- all of these things help us to realize more of who we are and to let go of those false expectations we have taken on along the way.
I hear from some people that they don’t set intentions because they are afraid of how they will feel when they fail. The challenge with that thinking is that they assume they will fail without even getting started, and they are also believing that failing is negative. I have exchanged the word fail for learn. Learning is how we up level. Experimenting is one of the best mindsets about actions you can take on. Experiments don’t always work. In fact, most of the time they don’t. They are a means for discovering what works and what doesn’t work. Experiments drive vitality and energy in our lives. Experiments give us something to talk about!
Let’s look at resolutions themselves- you make one and you stick with it for the first say 45 days of the year. How much better were those 45 days than if you hadn’t done it? What have you learned so that when you start again (the next experiment) you can go even further? What stopped you? What will you do about it? This is living life!
We hear constantly about how people don’t keep their resolutions. What you don’t hear as much about is how many people DO keep them! And for sure we don’t hear about the number who got off track and then got back on track, which many, many people do.
Remember, a resolution is something that is good for you– it will lead you into a better place for yourself. There should be nothing negative about a resolution. Setting it and endeavoring to fulfill it is positive, keeping in mind that you make it SMART.
Specific (very clear)
Measurable (you have a way to see that you have accomplished it.)
Achievable (you have the means to do it, maybe it’s a stretch, but you can do it. My old boss always used the example that even if he wanted to be the center for the Laker, at 6 feet tall and 50 something years of age it wasn’t going to be achievable.)
Relevant (it makes sense for you to do- it’s not a thing you are something thinks you SHOULD do, but doesn’t help you to live the life that is important to you or doesn’t speak to your personal values.)
Time-based (set milestones and dates and deadlines are part of the plan. These need to be specific, too, while you remain flexible as you experiment.)
A couple of quick thoughts to wrap up with- later this year consider not doing new years resolutions, but defining your resolutions in November. I was brought up on the idea of building momentum which takes time- starting November 1 means I am building momentum in November and December and things are already showing some results in January when everyone is just beginning. For now, just get going!
And remember to do that important reflection work before you decide what you want to move forward with. Look at the past year- write down all that went well, that you did- big or small, what didn’t go so well and get clear on all of it, what you learned, etc. Then proceed.
Lastly, be very discerning about who you tell about your goals, intentions and resolutions. Not everyone, and maybe not even many people deserve to know what you are up to. Find someone, though, who can hear you, support, encourage and believe in you. If you don’t have a coach, then find someone in your life you can be this person for you.