A few days ago a special person in my life passed away- after a long, very well lived life, Phyllis Emmons Black, she was 90. On her 90th birthday last year, she rode Space Mountain with her grandkids! This might tell you a lot about Phyllis.
There is so much a could say about having known her for over 40 years and having kept in touch for that long. Phyllis mattered so much to me, I think she knew, but from the start it was her that let me know how much I mattered to her. I met her on my first day of classes at Champlain College. I was a skinny 18 year old from Springfield, Vermont, with no clue about the wider world. From the first moment she saw things in me that I did not see in myself. She was the safest, kindest person.
She let me know that I mattered. She never used that particular word, but that was the message sent. Always seeing my best, always having a kind word to say. Always reminding me of my goodness, which has always been hard for me to see. I have some of our emails which I re-read today. About ten years ago she wrote in an email that one of her students from high school had sent her a book that she loved about organizing. (Phyllis became an excellent organizing professional in her retirement years) So I know I wasn’t the only one- her ways of making people feel important and that they mattered were widespread. Her grandson recently said one word about his grandma was connector. She knew how to connect at a deep and real level.
In just the few emails I read today there were several things she said to me that mean the world.
“You are loved.”
“Thank you for who you are.”
“Love you and all that you have accomplished.”
and my favorite, which brought tears to my eyes- “You are very smart, and if you forget it, just let me know.” This was at a time when I was going through a lot of difficulty within our family. I no longer have Phyllis to remind me, but I will always have her words and spirit. She knew I needed to hear these things.
We matter when we help others feel like they matter. What a beautiful lesson. She believed in me. Unwaveringly, with no expectation- unconditional love and belief in my goodness. It wasn’t until many, many years into our friendship that I could begin to accept her truths for me. Phyllis was an antidote for self doubt.
As with important people in our lives, when we lose them we wish she had more time with them. Could have, should have, would have. I am going to celebrate what was and be grateful for that. I am going to do my best to live out her spirit in my life.
Words of affirmation. We know, truly believing in ourselves in an inside job. But having an angel to tell us, to remind us, to show us- we need that, too.
I will be forever grateful for Phyllis’s positive impact on my life. Rest in peace precious friend. XO