I am a BIG fan of spending time alone. It wasn’t always that way. There was a time in my late 20’s I remember being very uncomfortable with being alone.
I am so grateful for having developed the comfort in it, as the benefits have definitely served me well. Up until the pandemic, I kept myself so busy that alone time was not in question! The pandemic forced slow down and with that pace change, I had a lot of time for reflecting, thinking and pondering. I began to do a lot of writing in my journal and with the space that opened up I was thinking things I never had and releasing a lot of stuck thoughts and memories. I wasn’t fun for most of 2020 and part of 2021. So much was coming up.
One of the things I hear people tell me most about being alone is the discomfort. I tell them that is normal, when we have a habit of not being alone, the space can be unsettling. Like sitting even for a few minutes to meditate- just sitting still and not doing anything. One person told me that every time they start to meditate, they start crying and so they gave up. The crying is the point! That person was doing it right. The crying is the stuck stuff letting go. But yes, it is uncomfortable! Many people give up because they don’t understand that the discomfort is the gateway to more freedom and happiness.
I started taking myself on solo road trip retreats in the fall of 2020. It was so hard being alone, but something in me made me want to get to the freedom part and all of the celebrated benefits- access to my own thoughts about things, finding my authenticity, tapping into my own knowing and creativity, understanding myself better and more. That last one certainly came forward as space for thoughts of my past and past events were able to come up- I have thought to myself many times, “ahh, now that makes sense.” There was a lot of crying those first few times I went away. For sure, always the first day. It’s part of the process of letting go and getting grounded. It was for me, anyway.
On my solo retreats I turn off tv and my social media except for posting a few pictures. I don’t talk to many people as I am alone. I have the time to consider my priorities- what is really important and necessary? I double down on my meditation and journaling time with a lot of walking and exercising to move energy through- all of this leading to greater clarity.
When was the last time you spent time alone? For how long? How did you feel? What did you gain? (even if it was learning something about yourself, it’s a gain!)
Take some time to write your answers and consider how some solo, quiet, alone time would benefit you. Having as much time as you can is good, but don’t let “lack of time” stop you. We all have seasons of life where we have more and less space in our lives. Work with what you’ve got, it is not all or nothing. I make sure I have some time everyday. I have to plan for it, but I make it happen.
One last mention, I talked about this in my video this week- in the book The Artist’s Way, the author Julia Cameron mentions a concept called the Artist’s Date. This is something I have been doing for a long time, before I knew this term for it. The date is weekly and you pick somewhere to go by yourself- she always mentions especially somewhere new or trying something new. By yourself.
When in the next week will you go on a date by yourself? Where will you go? What will you do? Put it into your calendar now- it’s a date!