How are you about spending time alone? Expanding on last week’s post, into the realm of love we discover that this is really important to building love within yourself- for yourself first, and then to be shared with others in relationships.
Solitude, again, gives you the space to really get to know yourself fully. When you learn to be comfortable alone, you are in a better place to build relationships with others.
You begin to say no to what you don’t like and don’t want to do. You begin to set boundaries and standards for yourself. This helps in identifying who you want to be in relationship with.
Jay Shetty, in his new book the 8 Rules of Love says that even if you are already in a relationship you can cultivate this strength. I believe it is true because I did it myself. There was a time that being alone was the worst thing I could imagine. Now I enjoy and look forward to doing things alone- the experience is very different. And maybe you’ll have a chance to do some of the things that you love, but that your partner isn’t interested in doing.
If you are not used to solitude start with what Susan Orlean calls a good way to soften solitude- a library. Her idea is that surrounded by books, you are never alone. I am expanding on her statement to include that there are other people in the library while you are by yourself and you can also stick your big toe in by sitting in a cafe with a notepad to think. People watch, be curious. Get used to it. Soon you will fully embrace quiet solitude without feeling alone, or lonely.
Taking this time will always fill you up. That is a loving gift you can give to yourself. Not waiting for someone else to do it.
What other kind and loving things can you do for yourself? Make a list.
What are you already doing that you can do more of? Make another list.
That’s your coaching homework for the week ahead!