Something happened this past week that upset me quite a lot. I am in the midst of recalibration month so I took time to consider it. My first realization was a great measurement- to see that I have learned to let myself feel my feelings and to cry when crying is what shows up- instead of stifling it all.
I had my reasons it upset me so much- past situations which this event triggered.
Over the course of my adult life I have had people convince me to throw my stuff away- things that were meaningful to me, because they didn’t think they worthy of moving. Most memorable to me is a large stack of 45 records that most likely would have been worth some money, nonetheless, they were important to me.
I have had my things stolen– most recently by a cleaning person who decided that her daughters deserved my things more than I did. Things I had worked hard for and a beautiful necklace that was a gift from someone special. She suddenly appeared last week working in the area. Seeing her brought up some feelings again before I blessed and released her and the situation (again).
That was before the current situation with my “stuff”- a whole bag of my things were thrown away by mistake, things that were important to me. This was the third time I have had this happen, so this really hit home for me in a big way. Message- my stuff is meaningless- much like the being convinced to throw my things away, but worse because someone else made the decision.
Yes, this is going somewhere! I tell you all of this because I want to have you understand how I ended up feeling the way I did about the latest event. Though I do solid work on dealing with my past, all of my past hurts around my “stuff” came up and I was upset.
I have a few people who listen to me without judgement as I share my feelings carefully with those who can hold space and understanding for me. For some reason I ended up telling someone who did not fit that description about this occurrence.
She said to me “well Kim, I just don’t understand why you would be so upset about that!”
After I got over my initial shock of the statement, I started to think, well maybe she’s right- maybe I shouldn’t be so upset about this. Maybe I should recalibrate to push what it meant to me aside and adopt her way of thinking. You know when you start saying should you’re in trouble right there.
Here’s the thing– she may be right or wrong- but what anyone else says does not have to be adopted as my truth. There are times to listen to others, but it is ALWAYS time to honor your truth. The idea of recalibration moderation came to me then- not everything needs to recalibrate. Be curious, consider it, but honor your feelings more heavily in the process.
You do not need to drop how you feel because someone else questions you.
The truth is she didn’t know–
-about my past experiences.
-what got thrown away.
-or take the time to find out why I might be so upset instead of judging me for being upset.
My truth is– I was upset. I got over it fairly quickly, but I owned being upset. The progress for me is that I get over things a lot more quickly than I used to- so I will celebrate that and the opportunity to see my progress. I am a work in progress!
I hope that as you recalibrate, you hang on to what’s true for you. Or maybe you’ve wandered away from your truth and feelings and feel called to recalibrate back to yourself. Don’t let someone else’s opinion of how they think you should feel or not feel dictate. No apologies, no justifying. (Which I admittedly did start to do until I realized she wasn’t listening anyway.) And stick to sharing with those who care to understand you, do understand you and allow you to have your feelings. Those who, when they don’t understand, seek to by asking questions. We can make sure we do the same for others. Recalibrate who you tell important things to!
In the end, I am thankful for the insight this experience has brought to me. In so many ways. Losing my “stuff” once again, shows me there is work I can do to become less attached, but I will not squelch my feelings. I’m celebrating owning them and not being swayed my someone else’s judgement.
QUESTIONS for you:
-When have you allowed yourself to disregard your feelings because of what someone else told you you should or shouldn’t feel?
-What did you learn about yourself and what are you doing differently as a result?